T's Grand Entrance into Mortality

One year ago today Talmage was still swimming around in amniotic fluid, and my feet were swollen. Talmage's pool party would shortly be over (whether he liked it or not); I was claiming elephantitus a week later. Where's the justice?

Jim and I were excited, anxious and hopeful about the delivery. We had adequately prepared ourselves, and we felt confident with the decisions we had made. Little did we know what was in store for us.

I've had many friends ask about Talmage's delivery in the last year. Sometimes I share bits and pieces, sometimes I share loads, and sometimes (especially at the beginning) I didn't want to share anything. For that reason, I decided to recap our experience a year ago today...and subsequent days. Plus if I share this story today, we can just focus on his parties the next few days!

We got to the hospital at 5 and I labored through the night...all night! By 6:30 am I was fully dialated and by 7 I was pushing. I was SO excited and knew it was only seconds before I would meet my sweet little boy. Well the seconds turned into minutes, those minutes turned into hours. My heart rate was out of control so they hooked me up to oxygen. The baby wasn't coming. They cut me--all the way. Ouch. It didn't work. Now is where the awful part comes in (we didn't realize how awful it really was until later). They decided to use a vaccuum extractor on Talmage's head. Once. Failed. Twice. Failed. Three times. Failed. Each time the doctor would say, "He's coming. I see his head. One more push." My heart would race, and then sink. Although they are only allowed to use it three times, they opted to use it twice more. Failed. My heart rate was still crazy, and all of the sudden baby's heart was dropping. A hush fell over the room and before I knew it, and after 3 1/2 hours of pushing, I was being rushed for an Emergency C-Section.

At least Jim got to dress up for the occasion!

Unfortunately the nightmare was only beginning. Our poor little Talmage suffered major injuries from the vaccuum and attempted vaginal delivery. The doctors thought his head was coming when they used the vaccuum, but in fact they were pulling his skin away from his skull. He had a fractured skull. He had a subgaleal hematoma the size of a grapefruit. He had bleeding on the brain. He was rushed to the NICU and stopped breathing many times because of pain. The diagnosis was not good. Our doctor in the NICU told me later that he was sure that Talmage would not make it through his first night. He was on a ventilator. He was on morphine. He had a full blood transfusion. Six hours after his birth, I finally was wheeled up to the NICU to meet my baby for the first time. It was heart-breaking.

Those first few days I would sit by his bedside nonstop. Every time his heart machine would beep I would have a panic attack. The nurses and doctors at the NICU were so sweet and so patient with me, they are the best.

I couldn't hold Talmage, but I would let him wrap his little hand around my finger and I would sing him primary songs. He would calm down when he heard them, especially "I love to see the temple." It's still his favorite. I was able to connect with Talmage during that night in a very real way. Our bodies could not be close to one another, but our hearts sang loudly together.

Through this experience, I’ve learned to cherish the small things in life. I wept as I held four-day-old Talmage for the first time, truly grateful for the opportunity to still have a baby to hold. In the last year, I have found many more small things to cherish--like nursing, playing games, reading books, making faces and noises, etc. Maybe I would have cherished these events anyway, but now I do no questions asked.

Talmage made a miraculous and speedy recovery. Within a week he came home to us, and within a month he looked like a normal (but rather attentive) newborn at his first photo shoot. He had a difficult time dealing with the pain he experienced at birth, and the doctors said he had "Post-tramautic stress disorder" which made him SCREAM for the first 5 + months straight, and has made him a rather touchy (AKA grumpy) baby. Other than that, there doesn't seem to be any long term damage.

It took me a long time to mourn the delivery and experience I yearned for and didn't receive. I think it's that way for everything in our life that doesn't go quite as we expected, we need time to ponder, reflect and mourn. I have had times during the past year that I have mourned for myself--the battle wounds that are unfortunately still not healed, the knowledge that the next delivery will be a C-Section, the realization that even 100 years ago I wouldn't have lived. I've mourned for my husband--for the traumatic experience he had to endure and that his dream of 12 tribes is definitely out the window (ha!). And I've mourned for that little munchkin of ours. What an awful way to enter mortality. I can only imagine that he had no idea what he was getting himself into by coming down to earth! That poor, sweet, innocent baby boy. Watching your child suffer is the worst possible thing a parent can experience.

One year later Talmage is a happy, healthy, CRAZY little boy who we LOVE and couldn't imagine life without. We are so grateful that Heavenly Father blessed us with him, and allowed us to keep him! And although his grand entrance into mortality was not what we would have chosen, we see the wisdom in Heavenly Father's plan and we have learned so much.

One year ago today Talmage was still in the pool...one year ago tomorrow...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR BOY!

***The picture above was taken by Rob and Christa this morning. I can't wait to share the rest of his one-year-old pics tomorrow. They are beyond fabulous!

Mr. Simms Sweet Shop

There's a new candy shop in Cambridge (new since we've been here at least) that has received rave reviews from all of our friends. Yesterday we decided it was time for us to take a peek. All I have to say is it's probably a good thing we haven't gone before, because I can already tell that Mr. Simms could be our new obsession! It has the charm of an old sweet shop and every type of candy imaginable, plus the prices are suprisingly reasonable.

All the walls are full, floor to ceiling, of candy. Chocolate, gummies, jelly beans, hard candy, licorice, carmel, fudge, candy canes, and more. Heaven! We tried a couple pieces of chocolate and a couple gummies--they were all incredible.

Dear Mr. Simms,

You'll be seeing the three people pictured above again soon. Very soon.

Love, the Wiggy's

Just the Two of Us

Just the two of us.

Delicious dinner at Jin Ling Chinese.

Romantic and hilarious play called Quality Street.

Touring Jim's favorite library...think The Music Man style.

Yeah, incredible.

No worries about Talmage (he was hanging out with Christa and Rob. Thanks guys!)

Such a great night.

Up Close and Personal

A very merry un-birthday...and a real one too!

A very merry un-birthday, to who?

To him!

Rob's half birthday was yesterday, and since we are always looking for more reasons to have a party we decided to celebrate the big day!

The Ellises and Lewises came over (although I didn't get any pics of Katherine or Verlan) and we ate Mexican food, played games, and laughed really, really hard. We LOVE these guys!

And of course no half birthday would be complete without a half of a birthday cake! No, this picture was not taken after we all feasted. I made 2 9" rounds, cut them in half and made a four story delicious yellow cake. What a fun night!

We're on a birthday kick this week! These two (Sister Larsson and Tommy) celebrated their birthdays with us tonight. She is 24 and he is 26. Isn't that so random that a missionary and an investigator have the same b-day?

The sisters called last week asking if I could make dinner for Sister L's birthday. I asked about her favorite food (wanting to make her special day that much specialer) and she said spaghetti. Spaghetti? Really? All the options in the world and she picked spaghetti? Anyway, I ended up making homemade spaghetti and meatballs (thanks to Pioneer Woman's recipe) and it was pretty good. Everyone liked it.

I tried out the cupcake pan Honey gave me for Christmas and it worked so well. The sisters were SO excited. It was hilarious to see all three of them (4 if you count Tommy and 5 if you count Jim) grab their cameras and photograph their dessert! What a fun reaction. Sister Larsson told us that in Sweden the birthday person always cuts the first slice of cake for themself.

Although Tommy's home country (Nigeria) doesn't share that tradition, he decided to have some fun and cut himself the next slice. Happy birthday to you both!

Next up...

Happy Birthday to this little monkey!

Soup and Sunshine

SOUP PLAY-BY-PLAY:

Talmage spits out every last bit of soup his Mommy feeds him. His Mommy decides, what the heck, just let the kid eat it himself.

Talmage is thrilled at this new freedom, and proceeds to spill the whole bowl of soup on his sweater (Mom so forgot to put a bib on him) and highchair.

Have no fear Mommy. I will eat it all by myself. These chubby cheeks didn't just happen!

Yep, and it tastes good.

Hooray! I ate every last bite and I feel very liberated. Can I get a round of applause? Oh yeah, and can I eat by myself from now on?

***

SUNSHINE PLAY-BY-PLAY:

Today I was reminded that I love Cambridge! Do you see that blue sky? Do you see those gorgeous marshmallows decorating it? Do you see the green grass? Can you feel the warmth and sunshine and joy? March brought the sunshine...and I could not be happier.

Jim, Talmage and I had a picnic in the park for lunch today...and we were not alone. The park was full of Cambridge-ites who were just as excited about Mr. Sun's appearance as I was.

Oh Mr. Sun, Sun, Mr. Golden Sun. PLEASE continue shining down on us!!

Silly Sounds

Three things I love about the video you will soon have the privilege of viewing:

1. Talmage's silly sounds
2. Talmage's nearly-naked self (there's nothing like a naked baby!)
3. Talmage saying "Dada" over and over again (although where's the justice when I ask him to say Mama?)

One thing that I definitely could live without:

1. My scary, freaky, crazy noise which was supposed to seduce the kid into making his sweet, funny, cute, silly noise. If I were him, I would have either looked at me and laughed, or started running from the alien disguised as a normal Mom.

Enjoy!