my last day with both

For the last two weeks (and the last two years) I've had two little women constantly glued to my hip while their brothers were at school; but all that's about to change. Next week Quinny starts preschool and this mother of four is down to just one for a good portion of the day. Jury is out on how I feel and how I'll deal, but one thing's for sure and that is that Quinn is going to adore preschool. She's fearless and adventurous, brilliant and kind and she's going to make all the friends and learn all the things preschool has to offer. I'm so happy for her and I hope it's as amazing as I think it'll be.

But forgive me as tonight I look at pictures from the last couple of weeks--random, unglamorous, run-of-the-mill pictures--and feel so sad that my time with both Quinny and Coco by my side is coming to a close. Now more than ever I'm asking myself, how did this happen? How did Quinny go from that darling baby brunette in NYC to this daring blonde preschooler in LA? And what are Cora and I going to do without her? Before long I'll be posting about how fun it is to just have one little pocket pal but for now, tonight, here are a few of the pictures reminding me how fun it's been to have two.

Her greatest sleeps are when she's not supposed to be asleep, she's sleeping in our bed or I have to wake her up. Where in the heck is the justice?

Quinny in a princess dress = a rare sight to be seen! I love these princess sisters so much (including Annie, who is basically my third baby girl!)

It's a shame that we can't send two-year-olds to preschool during their prime two-ness, haha!

Operation get Coco to not scream at the dentist involved giving her gloves and cleaning wipes. No, she didn't sit in the chair, but look at that smile!

 Halloween preppin'!

Always dressing up, ALWAYS! Cora is always some sort of princess and nine times out of ten Quinny is a construction worker, superhero or a prince!

She was NOT supposed to be asleep! But she still looked darling.

Her favorite day of the year is when I'm in charge of traffic duty. She was dressed and ready with so much time to spare and I had to laugh when she came out dressed in the whole shebang!

I came to get her out of the crib after a sleepless "nap" and she met me with this smile saying, "My backpack on, I ready to go!" I'm not ready for the death of nap time!!!

So. Much. Dirt. She's an inside princess and an outside animal!

Quinn being a shining star patient at the dentist. She's so brave!

Crazy Tired Mamas See Crazy Rich Asians

"You can tell who the strong women are. They are the ones you see building one another up instead of tearing each other down." 

and

"Behind every successful woman is a tribe of other successful women who have her back."

and 

"The best kind of friendships are fierce lady friendships where you aggressively believe in each other, defend each other, and think the other deserves the world."

One of the greatest blessings in my life right now is my friendship with some of the finest females I've ever known. We're all walking similar paths at the moment, give or take a few details, and we are 100% all-in for each other in a way that makes me feel so safe in womaning, in mothering, in life. Sometimes we're working through hard problems or crying over difficult circumstances and almost always we are juggling kids through our conversations in the most unglamorous way, but then there are nights like this one, where we're going to Din Tai Fung for soup dumplings and belly-laughing through Crazy Rich Asians with cokes and candy and popcorn and all manner of junk in hand. I adore them in all the moments, but when we were sans kiddos that night I had the mental energy to remember how ridiculously good I have it. We may be a a bunch of crazy tired mamas (who needed all that sugar to make it through the movie, I'm still the worst!), but living this life together kinda feels like a dream come true.

Back to school blues

Everyone is so tired--physically, emotionally, academically, socially--that when they come into the safe confines of our home after another long day at school fuses run short. It's always a transition from summer to school but this year seems harder somehow, or maybe just sadder. Summer momming is not without it's moments, but there are so many special and beautiful ones that it's hard to even remember the sour. But school-year momming, that's just so much trickier. The teachers get all their goodness, all their sweetness, all the bright thoughts and funny comments and by the time my babies get home to me I feel like all I'm doing is damage control. Tears! Screams! Fights! Schedules! And that's just over homework. Next week will be better, and before long the school grind will feel as natural as beach day, but today, this week, well I'm keeping it real, it's felt exhausting. That's why yesterday when for the briefest of moments the girls were nicely playing princesses on their rocking chair and the boys were happily reading Big Nate on the blue couch my Mommy heart threatened imminent explosion. I had forgotten how kind and quiet and darling they were capable of being! Until we find our groove again it'll be this peaceful moment that I choose to remember, because there's nothing I love more than my babies loving each other. 

Ice Cream Day

The first one of the year, and just as crazy as ever. This wasn't even all of the little people at my house: I think there were over 30 by the end! There are moments when I think this is the best tradition in existence and there are others when I want to cancel it for the rest of time, but regardless this picture makes me smile so big. Happy back to school you cute kids, you earned that ice cream!

Surprise Dodgers game

Was it slightly irresponsible to accept tickets to a Dodgers Game on the 2nd day of school and keep these little ones out until nearly midnight? Yes, yes it was. Do I regret it? Noooope!

One of the partners offered us his baseball tickets and we were thrilled to attend our first game this season, together as a family of six. The game went into extra innings and by 11 pm we realized it was proooooobably time to go, but we listened to the game all the way home and by the time we pulled into the driveway we got the news we were hoping for: Dodgers won!!!

The Wigs did as Wigs do and ate all the treats, because does a baseball game even count if you haven't eaten a hat full of nachos? We had popcorn and peanuts, nachos and ice cream and so much candy. We somehow made it out of there without a Dodgers dog or Diet Coke though, weird. 

I just love a good baseball game, especially when you're in the stadium at night and watching under the big lights. There's something so magical about the whole experience and being surrounded by so many fans. It probably doesn't hurt that the partner's seats aren't in the nosebleeds too, we've gotten so spoiled! By the end of the 10th, my brownies were extra cuddly (the way they get tired) and my blondies were extra crazy (the way they get tired) and James and I felt extra blessed to carry them all to the car and claim them for our own. It was a great, great family night. 

I love these four baseball-lovin' babies. By far the cutest bunch I saw in the stands, and definitely the cutest that made the jumbotron! Yep, these kids are famous and don't they know it, haha.

Quinny desperately wanted peanuts (she's a savory over sweet girl any day) but I told her I didn't have any cash. She took matters into her own hands and went to ask the unsuspecting salesman if he'd take my credit card. Haha! This girl is so brave and confident and independent! The answer, btw, was no. Luckily they were selling peanuts at the snack bar and this girl finally had her dream come true!

We're taking full advantage of the lap seat regulations at Dodgers Stadium until the very. last. day. of Quinny being three! It gets a little smushy with six people in four seats but you know what? I like it!

Crossing that Dodgers game off of our summer bucket list, so glad it finally happened!

Family Portrait

From left to right you've got Talmage, Quinn, sleeping Cora, Mommy, Everett with the blue hair and Daddy. When Quinny drew this picture of our family I could've fallen out of my darn chair. This is the first picture she's ever colored where the people actually resemble people--and I am in LOVE! A few details that are my absolute favorite: the rainbows over our heads, the rainbow grass under our feet, and on the back of the paper, and perfectly on the back of Quinn and my heads, she drew long, yellow hair. "We've got long hairs Mom, so I had to drew it on the back of our heads, not on top like the boys!" Oh my goodness, isn't that the cutest? I can already tell this picture will be a treasure for years to come.

First day

It's the first Friday of school which means, you guessed it, in approximately one hour my home will be overflowing with friends for our first Friday Ice Cream day of the new year. I'm still coming to grips with the fact that summer is really over and we're not currently eating Cheetos on the beach, but some Mexican popsicles with amigos should sweeten the blow. At least a little.

The first week has basically gone as expected. The kids love their new teachers and are excited to see their friends, but a return to homework and schedules has been rough and oh. the. tears. Mostly from one child, and mostly over homework (but mostly because he's exhausted I think?) This week has reminded me why I'm a summer mom, through and through. Homework, ahhhhhhhh!

But ready or not, we're back WWC! We've got a 4th grader and a 2nd grader who have the biggest brains and biggest hearts and are ready to learn and grow and experience so many wonderful things this year. I'm so excited for them and I love them, boy do I love them.

I wanted a picture of the boys on the first day of school but Cora kept saying, "Evie want me in picture too!" I figured, why not, especially since this will likely be the ONLY day this school year that the girls are actually dressed when we drop the boys off at school!

My two big, handsome, incredible boys in their back-to-school outfits of choice!

Chase, JJ and Evie are in the same class again and we're all so excited! Ev and Chase have been together since kinder. We're soooo lucky!

Carmine and T, together again! We love this kid and are grateful for his friendship!

Was Quinn sad when the boys left? Um, no! She kept saying, "Let's talk about all the things we can do without the boys. Make cookies with no boys. Go to the park with no boys. Have fun with no boys." Hahaha, this girl! She did make a mean batch of cookies to share with them for our first day of school cookie chat tradition, but I don't think she minded getting to lick allllll of the mixers!

Boy Mom. Girl Mom.

This morning I accompanied two pony-tailed babes to story time at the library. They loved parading around the room with tambourines in hand, painting the back-to-school picture of a bus and when it was time to go, they were thrilled to pick out a book from the librarian's desk to take home. Later, when I finally got around to looking at their choices, I chuckled with the girly-ness of it all. Wasn't it just yesterday that I was adventuring with two toddler boys in tow? Wasn't it just yesterday that we were checking out readers about cars and super heroes and dinosaurs? Wasn't it just yesterday that I was a boy mom? And now I find myself with Princess Sofia and Pinkalicious. With two toddler girls that want to adventure by my side. I mother both boys and girls these days, but for a large part of my day I am just a girl mom while the boys are at school. It's crazy to think how quickly things can change.

Some Summer Randoms

That's a wrap, on summer that is. The kids start school again tomorrow morning at 8:05. I'm feeling more melancholy than I usually do at the beginning of the school year. In years past we've had such fun summers but I've been excited for the return of schedules and a sand-free car, but this year we've had such a fun summer and I never want it to end. Like, EVER! I long for more beach days, more Tuesday field trips and more time and flexibility to do whatever adventure we choose. I love summer! But lest you think I haven't thought this through, homeschooling is just not in the cards for me and mine, so back to school tomorrow it is. I'll miss them. I'll miss the time we've spent together during the last two months. It's been wonderful. We're squeezing in a little more fun this afternoon after running around doing back-to-school errands this morning, including the park with friends and ordering pizza for dinner. It should be the perfect, simple way to bid farewell to our favorite season and welcome in an awesome school year!

Here are a few little randoms it would be a shame not to include:

Preston's Star Wars birthday party.

Hammer Museum--not our fav but we checked it off the list.

Yes, yes she was.

Note for me: pack swim suits to the partners pool party next year (insert face palm).

This is how we Pioneer Day (with a plate of catered tacos to boot).

My brave baby jumping off the diving board for the 100th time at Grandma Linda's. 

Twin friends jumping off the side in unison.

The weekly kickball games at the ward BBQ were lit.

Last beach day of the summer--take me back!!!

Donuts on our doorstep

This morning James was up early with a cranky Coco and decided to go grab donuts in hopes of coaxing a smile out of that recently devilish two-year-old. Imagine his surprise (and all four of the other Wigs when he told us the story) when he opened the door to find a dozen donuts mysteriously delivered on our doorstep. And not just any donuts--Randy's Donuts!!! Can you believe it? That pink sprinkled donut DEFINITELY put a smile on Coco's face, but not as big as mine when I ate the famous (and my favorite) Randy's glazed! I honestly don't know who left them but if it was you and you're reading this, thank you for making our Satur-donut tradition the absolute sweetest it's ever been! I'm shocked at the kindness, effort and generosity that went into our donut surprise, and it's put a smile on my face all day long. Late this afternoon T was telling this story to his Grandma Winnie and he shook his head and said, "It just proves, there are really good people in this world." Amen Talmage, Amen!

Managing Expectations

As a general rule, I never tell the kids anything that we're going to do with Dad before we actually do said thing with Dad. It's a bummer, really, because sometimes the anticipation of a fun activity is almost as good as the actual event, but one thing I've learned the hard way when dealing with a busy, busy Daddy is that managing expectations is the key to happiness and success. I am very careful to manage my own expectations of others, especially James, and I am uber protective of the expectations I set for our children. 

What do I mean by managing expectations? Well, in short, I mean having none. 

James is a great person and a wonderful father. When he is home, he is an all-in Dad and husband and housekeeper to boot. He's also our #1 breakfast maker and anything he makes are dubbed world-famous by the kids. "Dad, will you make your world-famous waffles? How about your world-famous crepes?!" (Meanwhile Mom just makes ordinary eggs, haha!) He does dishes and diapers, bedtime stories and early morning wake-up calls and is constantly picking up the things that we're messing up. In short, James is a joy to have around.

But James also has an incredibly demanding job and he frankly has no control over his schedule. These days we rarely see him besides Sunday and even when he thinks he'll be free, things pop up at the last second and poof! he's gone again. Things have not changed much in the last ten years of marriage. He's always been busy--always! Yes, it's definitely crazier now than it used to be, but what is most different now is my perspective on our crazy schedule.

There was a time early in our marriage that I would get so upset when James missed big and even small events. I knew it wasn't his fault, and he felt horrible as well, but I still was so disappointed to not have him there that we all ended up being grumpy. When our kids started getting disappointed with his absence I decided that something had to change. Since that something could not be his schedule and I would not allow that something to be our regular life, that something had to be our attitude and in particular, my attitude that I knew would trickle down to the kids. 

That's when I decided to follow the simple advice Sister Hinckley gave when asked the secret to her long and happy marriage and lower my expectations.  

If I expect James to attend an event and he doesn't, I'm disappointed. But if I don't expect him to attend an event and he does, I'm elated! And if he doesn't attend the event? Well, I wasn't expecting him to be there in the first place. The same goes for the kids. If they ask if Dad will attend something I always tell them that he really wants to but he probably won't be able to come, that way they aren't disappointed when he's not there and if he is it's like the best surprise ever. Their Dad loves them and wants to be there whether he is or not, that's what I want to be their focus. I also manage the kids' expectations by simply not telling them about things until the very last second, that way if something doesn't work with James' schedule they're not sad or angry because they never even knew it was on the books!

It sounds silly because really nothing has changed except my mindset, but I'm not kidding when I tell you that it's made a world of difference in my life. I never expect James to be home, to come to events, to help with the kids, to do anything really (except, he'd like me to add, deposit his paycheck into the bank twice a month haha) therefore it's easier to not resent him or his work or get hurt by his absence. I think this is easier for me to do because I know that he really wants to be there and wants to support me and the kids and is not just slacking in his parenthood responsibilities. That, I wouldn't stand for.  

Even after years of practice and as hard as I try, I am definitely not perfect at always managing expectations. This whole blog post occurred because this last week I failed miserably and remembered again why this principle has been so important to me. James was off of work last week and Friday was supposed to be our big beach day. You all know how much the kids and I love the beach, and we've been talking for weeks about how fun it was going to be to show Daddy our boogie boarding skills, build sand castles by his side and eat our favorite snacks on the sand until sundown. I honestly couldn't foresee any reason why he wouldn't attend with us, so the kids and I got our hopes way, way up for a magical day spent as a family. You probably know where I'm going with this. James was supposed to fly to New York late Friday night but horrible thunderstorms on the East coast cancelled his flight. In an effort to still get there and at the very last second (Friday morning), he had to reschedule for an early afternoon flight that meant beach day with Dad was officially cancelled.

The kids were crushed. All of them. There were so many tears I can't even describe it to you. They were truly mourning the loss of this time and it absolutely broke my heart. I don't blame them at all, I was sad as well, and I acknowledge that their feelings were valid. On top of those feelings, I was also hit with a heavy dose of guilt. I felt responsible for not protecting them from this disappointment. No, I'm not perfect and I know the kids need to learn to deal with things gone awry (and they do), but I want so badly to make the blows as few and far between as possible. This experience reminded me again why I work so hard to manage their expectations.  

So four sniffling babies and their Mama dropped an equally-disappointed Daddy off at the airport last Friday and then headed to the beach. Pretty soon their tears turned into giggles as they chased waves with friends and luckily my burden was swept off to sea. As I was playing with them, caring for them, and watching their joy I felt so grateful that I made the sacrifice to stay home full time with my children. I would like to hope it's comforting for them to know that I will always be there for them, ever present in their life. There are so many grand things I could be doing during this chapter of my life but caring for those four babies is the most important of all. I hope they always know I love them, and are as grateful as I am for their Daddy's hard work that makes my presence possible. 

Burnintons

For some time now I have thought that Melissa and I need to come up with a celebrity couple name for our large brood of adventuring babes. Maybe it'll be the Burnintons? Maybe the Wiggetts? I think we often yell for Burns and Wigs, so perhaps we should stick with that? More discussion is sure to follow, but one thing is for sure, sister wivin' next to this friend is just the very best. Maybe Burninetts?! 

As far as adventuring goes, this week we had a day that was mostly down, but luckily it was followed by a day that was mostly up. The down day was Tuesday and was a result of 1) the Hollywood Bowl closing rehearsals to the public after we had already driven the 30 minutes to get there and 2) being completely unwelcomed by the staff and security at LACMA, our plan b for the day. We were all kicking ourselves that we didn't just go see a movie which is so sad because obviously I'd rather my kids have a cultural experience than watch a silly cartoon. You win some, you lose some. And on Tuesday, we lost.

Wednesday we won, so that's something to celebrate! Both of our families missed the field trip to the Science Center earlier this summer so we made up for it a few weeks late. We thought we'd make it to the Natural History Museum as well but the kids were having such a blast that we didn't want to ruin a really good thing. It's incredible to me that that incredible museum full to the brim with hands-on fun and learning for the kids is absolutely free. I just love that so much. We stayed until closing time and then rushed over to the ward BBQ. These are the summer days I hope we never forget.  

These cute girls were so excited to hear the LA Phil perform the music of Star Wars on Tuesday morning, almost as excited as they were bummed when we found out that they made a last minute decision to close the rehearsal to the public. They heard a few seconds of music standing outside of the Bowl, until a security guard came to tell us that if we didn't leave the premises they'd have to call the police. That escalated quickly, haha, and without so much as a warning!!! Luckily we didn't need any baby bail bonds and we were off to plan b, LACMA. 

I've been to LACMA so many times before and have had really positive experiences, which made this bitter one all the more disappointing and surprising. From the second we got there the security guards were yelling at the kids over minor things and when we sought relief in the art room they said that our group of children was too large and they could only give us 4 painting spots at a time, meaning half the kids had to sit and entertain themselves (and whine and beg to paint and show frustration) while the others were rushed through the painting process to make room for the others. This was particularly silly, in my opinion, because the majority of the time we were in the room there were full tables (2! 3!) completely empty. We thought we'd go look through some exhibits but after being yelled at again on our way through the door we decided that we were not welcome there, and left to play outside for a minute before going home. Our family goes to museums a lot and luckily I'm thick skinned, but I can imagine if other people were treated that way they may never go back to LACMA, or any museum for that matter and what a shame for those children to not grow up seeing art. I called LACMA and they were super apologetic and kind and I really hope something like this never happens to anyone else. It feels horrible to be unwanted. I just wish that people truly realized that children are our future and the way we treat them, the things we show them, the words we use to describe our world and their existence will have long term effects. If those easy-to-scrutinize adults remembered that they were children once it might make them a little more patient as well, haha!  

 

Luckily each kid still got to do one painting. Unluckily, in our haste to exit the premises we forgot to go back and grab the drying art pieces. Ahhhhh! What a day!

 The Wigs, the Burnetts and the cutie Coons. 

By this point we had PTSD and literally every time we saw a security guard we were sure they were going to scream. Luckily they were so kind to us outside, maybe they could see the fear on our faces, and the kids had fun pretending to hold the rock!

Wednesday was so much better than Tuesday. Like a thousand, million, trillion times better. I don't want to steer clear of real art museums (and I won't) but it is awfully nice to be at a museum built just for kids. We spent five hours exploring and you know what? We didn't get scolded once!

One of my favorite parts--the aquarium! And we got the added bonus of seeing this diver hand feed some fish. It was really cool!

My blondie buddy and me!

There was a little pocket of the museum that we had never visited somehow on any of our trips and it was all about designing cars. Talmage was in HEAVEN. Melissa, the girls and I ended up sitting on the ground and resting for a good long time because these boys never wanted to leave the car station. It was really cute! School is starting in just a few days now and I'm glad we got to have such a great summer day before we get back into the swing of schedules and such.