Confused in a beautiful world.

I'm watching the green and gold birch leaves dance through my casement window and can't help but feel grateful for the cool Autumn breeze, for the beauty of our city, for the pumpkins I just yesterday placed on the porch and for the flowered fall wreath on our door. And it's quiet, should I mention that blessed little bit? Three kids at school and one pretending to nap in her crib makes it possible for me to not only see the dancing but hear it, the leaves and branches moving to the music mixed by Mother Nature. It all makes me so happy, brings me so much peace, calms my oft-troubled heart. Oh that my days were filled with more of these easy afternoon moments enjoyed from my blue velvet couch.

I'd much prefer carefree over confused, but that's been the biggest bother in my life recently. I'm just so darn confused about so many things. Confident and strong and self-assured for so long, I now look around at my world and it seems a little fuzzy. There are things I know with absolutely no doubt, but that list is so small in comparison to the things I don't know, the things I thought I knew, the things I may never know, and the sources I may or may not be able to trust (but frankly, how do you know?) Maybe it's the price I'm paying for years of boldness but why is it that the more I learn about life the less I seem to know? Why is it that everything is so nuanced and subjective and why are people so angry? Why do people lie? How does someone like me even know when they do? You know what makes me angry? Not recognizing the world around me. Being cynical about trusting anyone. Feeling so darn confused all the time. It makes me mad that I can't make sense of my opinions, my feelings, my life. Instead they sit on my shoulders, bounce around my brain and make me feel heavy. I'm suffocating in my own silence, but open my mouth and find no words. Because ever the answerer, now all I have is questions. And confusion.

But boy is there beauty outside my window on this September afternoon, more than I ever could have imagined was possible. I mean, you really should see those birch leaves flutter and if you haven't felt a Santa Monica breeze through your home you may be missing out. And yet somehow this magical world outside my casement window is the same disappointing one that endlessly confuses me. So that's what life is like lately over here. It's me, sitting on my blue couch, trying to make sense of my surroundings and doing my best to learn and choose and be the right.

Hello Penguin, Goodbye Penguin

A few months ago before I chopped off my hair, before school schedules were life again and before we had packed up our sand toys for the season the kiddies and I attended another amazing National Night Out in Santa Monica. This event, put on by law enforcement in communities around the country, is a way for people to connect with firefighters, police officers and others who protect our specific area. It's also a way for people who hate to cook (me) and love twilight fun (also me) to have a great evening with free dinner, so many games, and such wonderful live music. We try to make it every year, and us Wigs have had a pretty good run!

Last year, Everett won a giant panda stuffed animal and four tickets to the Santa Monica Pier. Did he think he'd won the lotto? Yup. Hasn't stopped talking about it since. This year there was a raffle for a penguin stuffy that put the panda to shame. This thing dwarfed my children and was seriously the most ridiculously large and super cute penguin I'd ever seen. When my kids begged to put their name into the free raffle I said yes with a smile--there were hundreds of tickets in that pot and I thought there was no way it would clutter our little house anytime soon. I was wrong, boy I was wrong.

Everett won the penguin. His screams and smiles are something I want to always remember, and I wish I had a photo of the look of shock that must have been on my face. You know what our little home already full with six bodies needed? A giant stuffed penguin, that's what. Eye roll. Eye roll. Face palm. Eye roll. 

For weeks it was moved from one corner of the house to another. I tried to find the perfect spot to house our new friend but it inevitably ended up in the middle of the boys room, or even worse, in the middle of my living room, with holes in the seams and styrofoam stuffing flying into the sky. It took me a few months but finally I came to a realization: something had to leave--me or the penguin. (Clearly it was not going to be me, who would make their darn dinner?) There were some tears when I said it was time to bid adieu to this giant friend, until I offered Ever a fresh $5 bill in exchange for the deed to the dude. Did he think he'd won the lotto? Yup. Hasn't stopped talking about it since. And I'm sure someone at Goodwill was thrilled to bring this guy home, but not as happy as I was to drop him off.

Hello Penguin, Goodbye Penguin. And like I told Everett, things come and go but we have the picture to prove how awesome this moment was FOREVER. 

Soccer Stars!

Soccer season this year has been SO MUCH FUN! Quinn and Everett are both playing with AYSO and they are both rocking it. Everett is so aggressive and I joke that having him go kick the heck out of a soccer ball is a whole-lot cheaper than anger management sessions. You just would not believe the stink-face that little love-bug gives to the other team. I'm his mom and love his mug more than any other human on earth but I kid you not I have to look away it's so scawy! For so long I thought he hated competition but I'm now understanding he just hates to lose...and he's trying hard to make sure that doesn't happen by scoring goals right and left. I can't even sit on the sideline during his games because I'm so pumped...I'm the wacko mom pacing and trying not to be a back-seat coach!  

And then there's Quinn, oh Quinn, never did I doubt she'd be an athlete. She scored three goals this last Saturday, and five the week before. This last week the other team's coach jumped in and played with them because Quinn was the only one touching the ball on the field. It's so natural to her. She just gets it--where to place her body, how to dribble the ball, where to kick the ball. It's beautiful to watch. I should probably say "pass" or maybe be embarrassed by the baby ball hog but do I or am I? Nope. No. Not at all. I cheer and scream and when people ask me what I've done to somehow train her for U5 soccer I laugh and tell them that Quinn is a force to be reckoned with. And she came that way. She is amazing!

Two sets of twins right here! The girls play together (and are so excited to finally be playing soccer like their siblings), and for maybe the 4th year in a row, so do Ev and Chasey!

Recent Randoms

 Some September Randoms:

September brought us many-a-Jewish holidays off of school and warm weather--a winning combination. A hike with friends in Franklin Canyon.

Caught up with Britt for the first time in maybe 10 years (how is that possible? and that is ridiculous!) It was so fun chatting over Cafe Rio in Manhattan Beach.

 Sleeping positions, ha!

 Sicky baby with the best furrowed brow at the doctor. 

School projects are my least favorite part of mothering, but in my opinion are also just a competition of who has the coolest Mom. T most definitely does not, but I was SO PROUD of what he created on his own. Got an A to boot and threw that silly Neapolitan pie in the recycling bin at school instead of bringing it home; that's my boy!

I wish we could have kept him for longer than it took to eat a taco but seeing Jordan last week on my turf was just about as special as it could be. I love that little brother of mine and hope for all the good things that life can offer him. 

Everett made me breakfast in bed, the sweetheart.

Cora has been my number one helper getting ready for Quinny's safari birthday party.

Her little tongue sticking out in concentration gets me every single time. I'm suddenly such a sucker for this little lady. 

Playschool has begun with these fun friends and hosting it at my house was possibly the easiest thing I've ever done. They're all such sweet, calm, wonderful two-year-olds and I spent so much of the morning in shock over how good they were. I love them, especially that baby on the right.

Preschool

One week in and I'd say Quinn is loving preschool more than any of us knew was possible--and that's hard for me to believe because I just knew she'd adore it. I'm so happy for that social little butterfly, and let's be honest, I'm a little happy for me too. On the very first day we drove up to her school and she said, "You can just drop me off here Mom, I'm fine!" I talked her into letting me walk her to the door and take a couple of pictures but seriously she walked right in, hung up her backpack and poof! every last ounce of baby Quinn disappeared before my eyes. She's in class with two of her best friends from church, but she was also quick to make new friends in class (including a little girl she played family with--she was the big sister and her friend was the kitty!) She's learning new things, having new experiences and being the best Quinny-Cat she can be. I don't think it's possible for me to adore her more. 

Commence first day of school photo dump:

I LOVE THESE THREE!!!

Monkey see, monkey do.  Coco wanted pictures in the same spot doing the same pose as her big sister.

Big Bear--A Lesson on Spontaneity

James woke up the Saturday before Labor Day with ants in his pants for an adventure. He wasn't sure when his work would come in but he didn't want to sit around until it happened so off he went to plan something fun for our family. After a few failed ideas, we packed our bags in mere minutes and per his prodding packed the kids in the car for a last-minute trip to Big Bear. Did we have a place to stay? No. Did we have any plans? Or know anything about Big Bear? Nope. And was it a holiday weekend meaning everything was booked solid? Yup. The planner in me was dying, literal heart-attack status as we were driving up the mountain imagining spending the night in our minivan, but James kept reminding me that great memories are built on spontaneity and this trip was going to be magical. (Or so he hoped! Spoiler alert: he was right!)

I called 13 places and was majorly stressed and discouraged to find there were no rooms at any of the hotels in the area, and even the 14th place originally said they were booked for the weekend, but after begging for mercy the nice man must have heard the desperation in my voice and said they actually did have just one unit available--a 3-bedroom condo that wasn't being rented because the cable connection was temporarily broken. Yep, no TV was the only "problem" with this incredible place, can you believe it? To me that's even better! I jumped on that offer in no time and to make the deal sweeter, they slashed the price of the condo in half for our "inconvenience"! Before finding a place I'll be honest I was having a hard time being chill, but after that it was smooth sailing. Everything was perfect. And I mean it. This simple and last-minute vacation to the mountains may have been one of our favorite family trips we've ever taken. 

There are so many good pictures chronicling our time together and you'll see them all below, but we unanimously decided that the best thing we did was go to a super-secluded area in the mountains late at night to look at the stars. I've had some pretty fantastic stargazing moments in my life but this was out of this world. There were literally millions of stars in the sky, the constellations were bright and easily identifiable, the Milky Way was a thick cloud running through the middle of the sky, Mars burned red, we saw Jupiter set, the shooting stars were plentiful and the wonder in all of our eyes was brighter still. Especially for city-dwellers such as ourselves and that rarely see a star or two in our LA sky, this was heaven. I know that the image of my four babies laying on top of my minivan searching and squealing and smiling are just as good as a printed picture of the event--I could never forget it!

James made it clear that if his crazy plan went haywire he would take the fall, but since it went so well he definitely took all the credit...and rightly so! I couldn't stop thanking him for pushing our family out of our planner-planner comfort zone. This was a weekend to remember.

We started at the Alpine Slide, which was a recommendation from our neighbor who saw us packing up the car. T and Quinn were excited, Ever and Coco were nervous, but all six of us went down the concrete mountain and loved it. I love trying new things as a family.  

^^^Cora's face before the ski lift started moving ^^^

^^^Cora's face after the ski life started moving^^^

Slide with a view!

We lucked out in a million ways but one of them was that our home base was right next door to Snow Summit. On the night we arrived they had a free family event right outside our door, complete with free face painting, jump house and an outdoor movie. And who was the first person in that face painter's chair? Cora Nicole!

Quinn is a ladybug unicorn and Cora is a pink and purple unicorn!

The boys both opted for arm paint, getting so big so fast. 

I'm a sucker for sunsets.

Our family is forever memorialized in the Grizzly Cafe thanks to James' business card and a lot of tape.

We spent three hours swimming in the pool and had it all to ourselves, just the way we like it!

On our last morning in Big Bear Everett was feeling sentimental and wanted pictures of everything. Seriously, EVERYTHING! We snapped away as we adventured our way home. This was the place we stayed and it reminded us exactly of our home in Stanford. Escondido Village for life!

When there is no snow, Snow Summit turns into an adventure basecamp and my kids were allllllll over it. At first we only bought a ticket for T because Ev was nervous and we thought Quinn was too young, but within minutes Quinn was begging us to do it as well and Ever followed suit. They ended up having the best time and rock climbed, zip-lined, and jumped to their hearts content. 

The siblings took a turn watching Cora bounce, bounce, bounce.

We took the giant ski lift to the top of Snow Summit and while it made me super nervous that one of the kids were going to fall it was so beautiful! We hiked around and ate some snacks and then took that giant ski life right back down. 

I love how much Everett cherished this vacation. He's such a sweet boy and having our whole family together was everything to him. It didn't matter what we were doing, he was convinced it was the greatest and was devastated it would have to come to an end. I wish I could hang out with him in the mountains all the time. 

The two scaredies rode with me on the way down the mountain...and it was not as bad when we were taking funny selfies. 

One last stop on the way out of town was a picture of our T with Talmadge Street. Sure, they added an extra d but our Talmage was so excited to see something so close to his actual name. 

Thanks Big Bear, for the greatest Labor Day the Wigs have ever known. And thanks James for taking us there!