When it was finished my mom leaned over and said, "Wow, Heavenly Father really loves you because that meeting was meant just for you." And I knew she was right. I knew it so much, in fact, that I kind of wanted to dig a deep, fat hole and hide from everyone (because I was sure that everyone in the room also knew that the whole meeting was just for me). Maybe I'm being kind of prideful, but I think I'm being honest.
I left with a lot of still-very-unanswered questions, but I also left feeling like Heavenly Father was ok with that. And maybe I feel a little more ok with that. He doesn't expect me to know the why's right now, or maybe ever, and I don't think He wants that to be my focus. He understands that I feel hurt and that I feel guilt and that I feel responsible for everything and I think He wants me to just keep moving along, relying on His Son all the while. And I'm going to try to rely on Him more.
So maybe the woman's meeting at church today was meant for many different woman in the congregation, but I'm going to stick to my guns and say it was meant just for me ;) And you have no idea how grateful I feel.
"Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, and confusion into clarity...It turns problems into gifts, failures into successes, the unexpected into perfect timing, and mistakes into important events. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow."
--Melodie Beattie
--Melodie Beattie
Speaking of being grateful? These two top my gratitude list! I am a mother to the most creative, hilarious, thoughtful, caring and spicy little boys I know. They are the best and I am so blessed.
Heather, I visit your blog on and off and I just read about your miscarriage. I am truly sorry for you. We had a miscarriage before we had Blake and it was such a hard thing. (It happened during the holiday season as well.) It leaves a pit, a hole, and a longing for that child that was meant to be yours. But, I can honestly say that Heavenly Father has a much greater plan for us and that it is always made up for. Don't feel bad that you are sad or upset. I think its okay to feel that and is important to feel that way. But in time, you will feel peace and love and a new hope. You are a a great mom and I'm sure that Heavenly Father will send another spirit to your family in no time. Love during this hard time, Melissa
ReplyDeleteLove this post, you and your sweet attitude. Thanks so much for sharing, it made me cry and the quote is a great and needed reminder. xx
ReplyDeleteThank you for inviting me to that wonderful event yesterday, and thank you to all the amazing women who had any part in its preparation! I seriously felt lifted! Love those two little blessings of yours!!
ReplyDeleteHeather sounds like you are on the right track, you are a blessed inspired woman and I know in time you will get all the peace and understanding you need. Some trials come in our lives and cause us to seek out a perfect understanding of the "Why" but if loosing our 3rd baby taught me anything it's that we can't always have all the answers now but we CAN have ALL the peace our Savior is able to give NOW!
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