A letter to my body

 

Dear Body,

I'm sorry you're going through this right now. I know what you're thinking, "Really? We're not done yet?" And no, we're not. That darn pregnancy hormone just doesn't want to leave, and those infections just keep on coming. So I'm writing you this letter, letting you know that I see what you go through every single day and I'm sorry.

I'm sorry that you feel tired and weak. Last week when you were shaking with pain from your 3rd infection in a row I was nervous, and sad for you. I'm glad that all the different medications have eased the irritation, and I hope that we can keep the bacteria at bay. I'll feed you yogurt, you do the rest!

I'm sorry that you haven't been able to excercise. It's been what, 6 weeks now? When this infection clears up I've been given the ok to move again, so maybe sometime soon? Let's take it slow, but I know you can do it. Step by step, we'll pick up where we left off (which as I recall was hating it but also feeling empowered by it).

I'm sorry that you are still bleeding--13 weeks is a really long time to be flowing, and it seems like things are getting bad again. The bleeding and clotting have been out of control, not to mention retained products of conception. I try not to think it's gross, it is my creation after all, but I just want it out. I keep telling you, "Just a little bit longer, I'm sure this is the week that this nightmare will end." And one of these weeks I'm going to be right. I'm sorry that it wasn't this week. I was hopeful, mostly.

This week you've been miscarrying as long as you were pregnant--a 13-week pregnancy and a 13-week miscarriage. That's a really, really long time. I'm sorry that this is your experience with childbirth, dear body. I'm sorry that things haven't been easier for you. I'm sorry that even after we're done being "pregnant" you'll have to undergo continued genetic testing. {Audible exhale} After 26 weeks of mayhem, I think you deserve a nice massage sometime soon--let's add that to our to-do list, ok? Well, first let's stop bleeding, and then let's get a massage. Awesome.

I'm sorry there's not an easier way to end your agony. I stormed into the doctor's office last week and pleaded your case. "My body is tired!" I sobbed. "It can't do this anymore." So we talked options, and ultimately, in an attempt to save future fertility, we decided to continue waiting--infections, bleeding, raging hormones and all. I won't lie and say I love that plan, but I hope it will be the best for you, dear body. Maybe someday we'll make another miracle, or maybe not. But at least with this plan we're keeping our options open.

I feel bad for you, dear body. You're doing the best you can and I'm grateful. I hope you feel strong and healthy and vibrant again soon. I'll be praying for you.

Love, Heath

Miscarriage of Justice by Lina Scarfi

It's official

This is my new favorite picture.

Let's Go Fly a Kite

All of my boys needed hair cuts and I had neither the time nor the energy to fight with the younger two on sitting still. So I bribed them. Awesome parenting, huh? If they sat still during the WHOLE haircut they were promised a toy from the dollar store. Seriously, that was the best $2 I've ever spent in my life. They were amazing, haircuts were done in no time (and with no tears) and we flew T's special kite all afternoon!

 

Daddy put it all together and held the kite up until the wind was just right. The kids loved flying, but maybe not as much as James and another dad-friend Andrew did!

Sometimes T shocks me with his generosity. He made sure everyone got their turn and was more than willing to let his friends share in the fun. He was mesmerized by the kite, which makes his sharing even more admirable.

Evie's special treat was a new bucket and shovel. He loves to sit and dig in our sandbox. But he was pretty much all eyes on the kite during this outside adventure.

I love their little faces looking heavenward to watch the kite fly. Again, let me say--best $2 I ever spent!

Our beautiful little friend Bella. She was still a baby when we met her and now she's so big, and gorgeous!

Thank you kite for making our Saturday so much fun. Let's play again soon!

Evie's Smile

Talmage taught Evie that it's funny to run away from me when I get out the camera. Everett thought he was the funniest person on earth. He'd run and laugh and trip, all the while saying, "siwy, siwy" (silly, silly for you non-baby talkers). He is so darn cute!

 

Puddle Jumpers

We don't get much precipitation in these parts, so it is a par-tay after a rainstorm. Boots and puddles made for hours of entertainment and bucketfulls of laughter. And of course, T is in shorts ;)

Playing Dress-Up

We have a big bin full of dress-up clothes and love to let our imaginations go wild. The boys LOVE hats...love, love, love hats and so we dress up more often than you'd think. I'm trying to enjoy it now because I fear in just a few (ok, 10) years that my two teenage boys won't want to play dress-up with their momma!  

Funny business from the clowns.

Construction Elmo. He loves to wear that hard hat and especially loves for the light to be ON (much to the chagrin of the batteries!)

 

Home Depot worker/clown/Santa ;)

 



Playing "obstruction worker".

 

 Daddy brought the boys pilot hats from Washington DC and they have been playing airplane even more ever since.

Playing Airport

James has been traveling a lot lately for work/school, so we've been playing A LOT of airport around our house. And with the airport and planes we got from Auntie Care at Christmas, we've been all set! During our most recent trip to drop James off, Talmage was enamored by the trains that circled SFO, so he decided to recreate what he saw. I must admit, I was impressed by his creativity--and how fun does that look? We also set up a dinosaur park and a zoo in our little airport town. I surprise myself with how much I love trains and trucks and cars and dinosaurs! I have really grown into being a mom of boys.

 

 Their creation!

 Evie the Zookeeper. That boy loves animals!

 

Talmage the conductor/pilot/creative director/boss-everyone-arounder!