What I would write, if I had time to write

I used to think that we make time for what matters most to us and never bought the whole "I didn't have time" thing as an excuse. Well I was wrong, ya'll. So totally wrong. Sometimes there are so many things that matter so much to us that there's absolutely no way you can accomplish them all. And more sincerely, sometimes we have to do things that matter absolutely zilch to us but are necessary to stay alive (#laundry #dishes #makedinner #homework #brushteeth). Alas, such is adult life, amiright?

Writing and this humble blog mean the absolute world to me and yet this last month has been such a whirlwind that I legitimately have not had one split second to write. I won't bore you with the details, but suffice it to say that life lately has been such an interesting mix of emotions. One second I feel wholly fulfilled in my service to others and proud of my family life and the very next I realize that I'm completely underwater and am struggling to breath under the pressure and responsibilities. In both circumstances I am tired, but that goes without saying when you learn that Cora has suddenly forgotten how to sleep through the night and last night alone we were up eight times with her. EIGHT TIMES! I wake up early, I go to bed late and I typically don't sit down in the daylight hours. (#tired #sotired #soveryverytired). Alas, such is adult life, amiright?!

Even now I should be preparing my Relief Society lesson for this Sunday, but instead I needed to take a hot second and give this space a little lovin'. So here are a few things I would write about if I actually had time to write:

**Yesterday when I coughed Quinn said, "You OK, Hedder?" I was like, Girl, what'd you call me? She thinks she's the cleverest and I think she's the naughtiest. We're both spot on.

**Ever's prayers lately are THE BEST! If there was an award for greatest prayers, he would win it. A few days ago he thanked Heavenly Father "dat I didn't have any tells-on at school today" and I busted up. The King of the Tattletales, that one. And always the victim. Last night James was home at about eight o'clock which we were all thrilled about since he's been coming home in the middle of the night for weeks. In Ever's prayer he said, "we aw so thankful dat Daddy snuck out of his office wike a ninja so he could be hewe so eawly!" The way he describes things is golden.

**I was cooking turkey pot pie on Sunday for the missionaries and a guest from the ward when my oven randomly turned off and started beeping uncontrollably. I frantically tried to figure out the problem, then I humbly prayed that it would be fixed, then I desperately threw together a new meal for our company--all while Everett crashed a chair through our living room window, our guest entered our home and immediately announced that she was a vegetarian (news to me) and the boys begged to sit at the adult table only to act like complete hooligans. It was not our best night, but it was the greatest comedy of errors and I just can't keep feeling so grateful that the oven didn't break when we were feeding 18 people and cooking a 25 lb turkey on Thanksgiving just four days before. New oven will be here in a week and Everett wasn't hurt, blessings two and three!

**T is in this interesting space between little kid and big kid. He wants to "chat" with the adults because "it's so interesting, even if you only talk about bills and politics" but he also makes weird noises, wants to be held and cuddled on the couch like a wee one and can't control his crazy energy. It's a transitional time for him, for us, and I hope we can make it as painless and graceful as possible.

**When I imagine myself in my head, I see the picture at the top of this post--messy bun on the top of my head, no make-up on my face and a baby in each arm. This is my life right now, these two little loves are glued to me at all times. It's so interesting to me that after so many years of being a boy mom, that for most of my day I'm exclusively a girl mom. It's also interesting that after so many years of independent little friends, I'm once again full speed ahead with needy widdo babies!

**If you ask Quinn if she wants a string cheese she'll tell you, "No, baby cheese" and will then proceed to unwrap her own Baby Bell which she gets by herself from the fridge. Two going on twelve, that one. She also loves apples and goldfish, raisins and yo-gut, and baby fwies (the little crunchy ones are her jam) but if you ask her what her favorite food is she always answers "chicken!" I love that I finally have an eater I can be proud of ;)

**By the light of the Christmas tree I nursed Coco for the last time. It was just a few days ago, and although I hadn't planned on that being the last time I had a sneaking suspicion deep inside that my milk was gone for good. I had never given much thought to the phrase "I lost my milk" but now I'm seeing it through new eyes. One month I was feeding my baby and she was growing and thriving and fattening up and then the next month I was feeding my baby and she was losing weight and crying and unbeknownst to me, suffering. Nothing had changed with my diet, my body, my stress levels, not one darn thing, and I was left looking around trying to figure out where my bounteous supply of milk had gone. I literally lost it, and despite my best efforts I could never find it again. It's really quite sad for me, if I'm being honest. But if I was going to nurse my last baby for the last time, by the light of a beautiful Christmas tree was definitely the way to do it.

I miss writing, I miss this blog, I clearly have way too much to say but I've got to go now. Oh the things I would write, if I had time to write. Someday, someday.