Our New Normal

Jim and I were sitting in the hotel cafeteria for lunch when we saw a huge group of people come in. We don't know why they were at the hospital, but our guess was that they were awaiting the arrival of a new baby. They were all happy. They seemed excited. They laughed and joked in anticipation. As I watched their joy I began to cry, bawl rather. I wished for a second that I was still pregnant, excited and ignorant about the path ahead. I wished for a second that I was a normal person that could have a baby and take them home instead of spending weeks in the ICU. I wished for a second that I could see that same joy in childbirth that they saw, instead of the fear I feel.

The last few days have been a mess of emotion. It seems as Everett continues to improve (with only a few small bumps along the way) James and I have been forced to face our new reality. We have once again been forced to mourn the perfect birth we did not experience, and find peace in our new normal. A normal that means doctors and nurses poking and prodding our baby more than we can touch and love him. A normal that means pumping around the clock in hopes that someday his appetite will come back enough to nurse. A normal that means big brother still thinking baby brother is his belly button because they've spent no time together. A normal that means my baby is 10 days old and still in the hospital with a release date that is constantly being pushed back.

But at the same time, we are experiencing a new normal of immense blessings that we know would not have been realized except by this situation. A normal where friends send care packages to Ev and us, brightening our days. A normal where thousands of people, family, friends and strangers, are praying for our family (and we certainly feel the power of those prayers). A normal where our son was literally saved by the hands of skilled doctors and a loving Heavenly Father. A normal where seeing a heart of any kind brings a tear to my eye. A new normal that is more empathetic, more loving, more patient and more faithful. A new normal that is grateful, oh so grateful.

This was not the normal we planned for ourselves, but we are determined to find joy in our new normal. And with the two handsome boys we get to call ours (3 I get to call mine!) it won't be that hard to do!

Everett was able to get his first sponge bath since the surgery and I was in heaven playing with the little man! He can't have a real bath for 6 weeks post-op, but I was just grateful that I could wash his body and head and try to get all the tape off. It wasn't completely successful (I fear he'll have tape rashes for years!) but at least I had him smelling like a newborn!

We've been enjoying lots of cuddle time with Ev. Our biggest stumbling block since his surgery has proven to be eating. His stomach, intestines and bowels were damaged after he was born because they weren't receiving enough blood, so we are slowly trying to help tolerate food. We've worked up to full feeds, but he doesn't always (read: ever) want to take them. Until he's eating like a normal baby, we can't go home...so here we are! Today has been better though, so we're hoping his appetite will only go up from here.

Ev is almost line-free. He has one last IV in his arm (that is wrapped up like a cast) and then lots of monitors, but other than that he is one disconnected baby! It has been fun to see the lines come out of him one by one, but sad to see how bruised his little body has become. We are hoping to get that last line out soon and run, run, run out of this hospital!!!